I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
