What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
