Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
