piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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