finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
