she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
