You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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