i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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