Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
