what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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