I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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