You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
