There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
