Only a mothe r could love this liver
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
