she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize