just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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