I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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