Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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