If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
