Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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