i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
