Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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