Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
