Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
