Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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