She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
