Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
