I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
