I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
