my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
