I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
