i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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