Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
