Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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