Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
