I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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