Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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