dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
