I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
