I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
