Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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