I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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