Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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