We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
its not stalking. its research.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
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He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i believe in u and ur pee
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