Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
