my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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