you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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