I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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