Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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