you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
