so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
