Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
