piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
