Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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