I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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