Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
