I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
