Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
