I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Randomize
