Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
