I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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