I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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