I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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