Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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