let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
