why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
