Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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