So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
