I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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