Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
