His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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