just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
