Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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