Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
