I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i now understand why vodka
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
