Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We need to get me chipped asap
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
