i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much