I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.