She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.