Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.

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(714): View more from California

Who was that guy you went home with?

(1-714): View more from California

Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(423): View more from Tennessee

I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name

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(541): View more from Oregon

You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup

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