That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
