mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
