I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
