Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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