ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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